10 Friendship Green Flags: Keys To A Green Friendship

We all know that building meaningful, healthy friendships is fundamental to our personal well-being and happiness.

But how do we know if our friendships are truly healthy? Sometimes it’s just not that obvious.

In this article, I explain “green flag” relationship traits that characterize healthy friendships and provide tips on cultivating “green friendships” in your own life.

Definitions of “Green Friendships” and “Friendship Green Flags”

Have you ever heard the term “green friendships”?

I think that I’ve heard this recently only because I’m not quite yet an empty nester and so I have teenagers living in my house watching TikTok (seemingly) non-stop.

So what exactly are “friendship green flags” and “green friendships”?

Friendship green flags are positive signs that a relationship is healthy.

Green friendships are those with primarily positive qualities. (i.e., mostly green flag traits.)

A quick review of the existing articles on the topic of friendship green flags and green relationships left me thinking that I had something unique to contribute to the conversation from my perspective as a Clinical Psychologist.

Why Are Green Flags Important?

Isn’t it interesting that we’re all obsessed with and frequently talking about relationship “red flags” (narcissism, gas lighting, manipulation) and “toxic relationships” , but if you ask someone about “green flags”, they’ll likely look at you with a certain amount of confusion?

In fact, more than 4X as many people search the term “relationship red flags” than search “relationship green flags” each month!

If pushed to define them, many of us could deduce what relationship green flags are, but we’d mostly likely do that by thinking of them as the opposite of the better known red flags.

So the question becomes… Why is it that we’re all so focused on red flags – and less so on green?

I think the answer comes down to both biology and culture. We’re biologically programmed to pay very close attention to things that can potentially harm us. Culturally, we’re also more easily drawn to “drama” and find red flags just…well…more compelling.

Think about your own friendships. When a relationship is going well, we give it less thought. But when a relationship is having difficulty, we think about it constantly. Right?

Despite this, I’d argue that the absence of red flags does not necessarily indicate a healthy relationship. Rather, a healthy relationship requires BOTH the absence of red flags AND the presence of green.

This is why being able to identify green flags in your relationships is critically important.

The Importance of Green Flag Friendships in Midlife

There is no doubt that green friends make life better at any age. Humans are social creatures who thrive on nurturing relationships. Having a community of healthy friendships is linked to many significant health benefits including greater longevity, whereas loneliness has been dubbed as “the new smoking” after the National Institute on Aging found that the health risks of prolonged isolation are akin to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

In midlife, in particular, healthy friendships are particularly vital for emotional well-being. As we navigate the stressful complexities of this life stage—such as career changes, family dynamics, and personal challenges—having positive friendships offers essential support and understanding.

Friendships are so critical for midlifers that, with all the knowledge I have stored in my brain about human psychology, I chose to create a social club for women as the single most effective and important thing that I could do to contribute to the cause.

Furthermore, I focus on midlife mindset quite a bit in this blog and finding healthy friendships is a mantra present in nearly all of my articles, including (to name just a few), Why Making Friends in Midlife is So Hard, how to make friends as an introvert, tips to slow down life, social hobbies, making friends as an empty nester, reinventing yourself in the empty nesting years, and finding purpose after 50.

The Ultimate Green Flag

Before I start listing the top 10 green flags you can look for in your relationships, let me summarize green flags for you with just 2 words.

Emotional intelligence

When we talk about green flags, we are really talking about emotional intelligence.

The purpose of the rest of this article is to fully describe emotional intelligence by breaking it into 10 key characteristics with sub-traits and examples.

Top 10 Friendship Green Flags to Look For

Ok – so on to what you came here for. The top 10 friendship green flags!

To create this list, I examined over 100 characteristics of a good friend, consolidated similar traits and chose the 10 that I think make the biggest impact.

They are not listed in any particular order of importance. Before you declare a friendship to be “green”, all 10 must be present.

1. Dependability Friendship Green Flags

A healthy, green flag filled friendship is always marked by consistency and reliability because these traits cultivate that all-important sense of security and trust in the relationship.

We all prioritize what we value. Without this, there simply is no friendship.

Here are some dependability green flags to look for:

A dependable friend is:

• Consistent
• Reliable
• Honest
• Accountable
• Engaged
• Responsive
• Thoughtful
• Balanced

A dependable friend:

1. Always shows up reliably
2. Honors commitments and promises to you
3. Maintains regular contact and communication with you
4. Reciprocates support and kindness

Dependability green flag examples in friendships:

1. Being there for important events: A dependable friend shows up for significant milestone events in your life, making an effort to celebrate your achievements and to provide support during major moments.
2. Checking in regularly: A reliable friend makes it a point to reach out regularly, whether through texts, calls, or in-person visits, ensuring you feel connected and valued.
3. Following through on plans: A consistent friend not only shows up when you make plans, but also takes the initiative to do some of the planning, whether it’s for something big like a weekend getaway or something as simple as catching up over coffee.
4. Offering help during a crisis: In times of personal crisis, such as a family emergency or job loss, a dependable friend steps in and helps where needed.

2. Empathy and Attentiveness Friendship Green Flags

We feel a deeper connection to friends who demonstrate genuine understanding and attentiveness because these characteristics create strong emotional bonds and a “safe space” for us to express our true thoughts and feelings.

Here are some empathy and attentiveness green flags to look for:

An empathic and attentive friend is:

• Compassionate
• Understanding
• Present
• Supportive
• Nonjudgmental
• Open-minded
• Sincere

An empathic and attentive friend:

1. Listens to you attentively without interrupting
2. Validates your feelings and perspectives
3. Shows genuine care and concern for your well-being
4. Shows empathy and understanding of your situation

Empathy and attentiveness green flag examples in relationships:

1. Listening attentively: An attentive friend listens intently during conversations, making you feel heard and valued.
2. Offering compassionate support: An attentive friend checks in when you’re going through a tough time, offering a shoulder to cry on and showing they truly care about your feelings.
3. Is understanding and patient: An empathic friend takes the time to understand your situation and offers patience when you’re struggling to explain your thoughts and feelings.
4. Nonjudgmental Approach: An empathic friend does not judge when you share your thoughts, allowing for open and honest conversations.
5. Remembering important details: An attentive friend pays attention to the small but significant details in your life, like knowing your favorite coffee order and remembering to check in on your recent concerns.

3. Support and Encouragement Relationship Green Flags

Green friendships are characterized by a level of support that develops our confidence and personal growth. These are the friends who uplift us, inspire us to chase our passions, genuinely celebrate our successes, and stand by us during tough times.

Here are some support and encouragement green flags to look for:

A supportive and encouraging friend is:

• Self-aware
• Inspiring
• Motivating
• Uplifting
• Affirming
• Optimistic
• Accepting
• Kind

A supportive and encouraging friend:

1. Inspires you to be a better person
2. Celebrates your successes
3. Challenges and motivates you to reach your full potential
4. Encourages healthy behaviors and habits
5. Positively impacts your life and decisions

Support and encouragement green flag examples in friendships:

1. Celebrating your successes: A positive friend celebrates your achievements, no matter how small, and genuinely expresses happiness for your progress.
2. Encouraging your goals: A supportive friend constantly motivates you to chase your dreams, cheering you on even when you doubt yourself, reminding you of your potential.
3. Promoting a healthy lifestyle: A supportive friend encourages you to engage in activities that promote physical and mental well-being.
4. Challenging you to step outside your comfort zone: An encouraging friend pushes you to try new things and face your fears, fostering personal growth.
5. Nurturing a growth mindset: An encouraging friend believes that challenges are opportunities for learning and setbacks are stepping stones towards success.

4. Honesty and Open Communication Relationship Green Flags

Open and honest conversations between friends deepen connections, allowing you to express feelings without fear of judgment. This strengthens your bond and nurtures a healthier, more enriching friendship where both can grow and support each other.

Here are some honesty and open communication green flags to look for:

An honest and open friend is:

• Sincere
• Direct
• Forthright
• Authentic
• Candid
• Clear
• Responsible

An honest and open friend:

1. Communicates openly about their own needs and feelings
2. Is honest even when the truth is difficult
3. Respectfully provides you with constructive feedback

Honesty and open communication green flag examples in friendships:

1. Openly discussing feelings: An open friend shares their emotions and needs, creating space for you to both feel comfortable expressing yourselves.
2. Admitting mistakes: A trustworthy friend takes responsibility for their actions, acknowledges when they’ve made mistakes and makes amends.
3. Discussing boundaries: An open friend clearly communicates their personal limits clearly, ensuring mutual respect and understanding.
4. Providing honest feedback: An honest friend offers feedback that is truthful and constructive, aiming to help you grow without being harsh or critical.

5. Respect and Boundaries Friendship Green Flags

Mutual respect is absolutely critical for any relationship to thrive. Establishing clear boundaries allows friends to enjoy each other’s company without discomfort or the fear of overstepping.

Here are some respect and boundaries green flags to look for:

A respectful friend with healthy boundaries is:

• Considerate
• Polite
• Understanding
• Tactful
• Reliable

A respectful friend with healthy boundaries:

1. Sees you as an equal
2. Respects your personal boundaries
3. Does not pressure or manipulate you
4. Accepts and respects your differences
5. Honors your values and choices

Respect and boundaries green flag examples in relationships:

1. Giving space when needed: A respectful friend understands when you need time alone without taking it personally.
2. Encouraging individuality: A respectful friend celebrates your unique interests and hobbies, allowing you both to grow independently and separately.
3. Asks for your consent: A respectful friend seeks permission before making plans that involve you, valuing your time and choices.
4. Maintaining their own healthy boundaries: A respectful friend asserts their own limits, helping to ensure that you both feel comfortable and secure in the relationship.

6. Emotional Safety and Trustworthiness Friendship Green Flags

When you know that your friend values your feelings and supports you unconditionally, it cultivates an environment where you can be open and vulnerable without fear of judgment or betrayal.

Here are some emotional safety and trustworthiness green flags to look for:

An emotionally safe and trustworthy friend is:

• Reassuring
• Honest
• Loyal
• Vulnerable
• Compassionate
• Non-judgmental
• Patient

An emotionally safe and trustworthy friend:

1. Makes you feel safe to express yourself
2. Protects your secrets and personal information
3. Creates a non-judgmental space for sharing

Emotional safety and trustworthiness green flag examples in friendships:

1. Listening actively: A trustworthy friend pays close attention when you speak, demonstrating that your thoughts and feelings are valued and important.
2. Offering unconditional support: An emotionally safe friend stands by you in tough times, providing comfort without criticism or judgment, making you feel secure in seeking help.
3. Maintaining confidentiality: A trustworthy friend respects your privacy and never shares your personal information or secrets with others.
4. Validating your feelings: An emotionally safe friend acknowledges and respects your emotions, reassuring you that it’s okay to feel the way you do.

7. Fun and Joyfulness Friendship Green Flags

Another important aspect of a thriving friendship is the ability to have fun and share joyful moments together. Laughter and lightheartedness create strong bonds that enhance your connection.

Here are some fun and joyfulness green flags to look for:

A fun and joyful friend is:

• Lively
• Spontaneous
• Humorous
• Adventurous
• Playful
• Enthusiastic
• Lighthearted
• Cheerful
• Creative

A fun and joyful friend:

1. Shares laughter and joy with you
2. Enjoys spending time together
3. Creates happy and memorable experiences
4. Brings positivity and lightheartedness to the relationship

Fun and joyfulness green flag examples in relationships:

1. Organizing fun: A joyful friend arranges outings and adventures, ensuring that your time together is filled with laughter and excitement.
2. Having a sense of humor: A playful friend shares and remembers inside jokes that develop your unique bond.
3. Encouraging spontaneity: A fun friend is open to spontaneous plans, showing a willingness to embrace the unexpected.
4. Trying new things: A fun friend enjoys learning and trying new things together.
5. Having a positive outlook: A joyful friend maintains an optimistic perspective, helping to lift your spirits during tough times and reminding you to find joy in the little things.

8. Adaptability and Flexibility Friendship Green Flags

When a friend is willing to adapt and adjust to changing circumstances, it creates a nurturing environment that helps both individuals grow.

Here are some adaptability and flexibility green flags to look for:

An adaptable and flexible friend is:

• Open-minded
• Versatile
• Responsive
• Accommodating
• Resilient
• Resourceful
• Cooperative
• Tolerant

An adaptable and flexible friend is:

1. Flexible with plans and changes
2. Adaptable to life’s unpredictability
3. Willing to compromise when needed

Adaptability and flexibility green flag examples in friendships:

1. Adjusting plans: An adaptable friend can quickly alter plans if circumstances change.
2. Embracing new ideas: A flexible friend is open to trying new activities or experiences, whether it’s exploring a different restaurant, participating in a new hobby, or attending events outside their usual interests.
3. Providing support during transitions: An adaptable friend is there for you during significant life changes, offering encouragement and adjusting their support to fit your evolving needs.

9. Conflict Resolution Relationship Green Flags

Strong conflict resolution skills are crucial for creating a secure environment where friends can openly share their feelings. This not only ensures that your friendship can withstand challenges but also deepens your understanding and respect for each other after disagreements.

Here are some conflict resolution green flags to look for:

A friend who handles conflicts in healthy ways is:

• Empathetic
• Communicative
• Diplomatic
• Respectful
• Calm
• Open-minded
• Fair

A friend who handles conflicts in healthy ways:

1. Addresses conflicts directly and calmly
2. Focuses on resolving issues, not assigning blame
3. Admits when they are wrong and apologizes
4. Works towards mutual understanding in disagreements
5. Can forgive

Healthy conflict resolution green flag examples in friendships:

1. Listening actively: A good friend listens attentively during conflicts, ensuring that each person’s perspective is heard and valued.
2. Responding non-defensively: When disagreements arise, a friend who handles conflict in a healthy way responds without becoming defensive, showing maturity and a willingness to engage in constructive dialogue.
3. Finding common ground: A friend who resolves conflict in a healthy way seeks areas of agreement, focusing on shared goals and values rather than dwelling solely on the points of contention.
4. Maintaining respect: An emotionally intelligent friend approaches conflicts with respect, refraining from insults or personal attacks, and instead addresses the issue at hand thoughtfully.

10. Loyalty and Commitment Friendship Green Flags

When a friend demonstrates unwavering support, it creates a profound sense of trust and security in your relationship, reassuring you that they will stand by your side through thick and thin.

Here are some loyalty and commitment green flags to look for:

A loyal and committed friend is:

• Faithful
• Dependable
• Steadfast
• Honorable
• Devoted
• Courageous
• Unwavering

A loyal and committed friend:

1. Puts effort into maintaining your friendship
2. Stands by you through thick and thin
3. Is equally invested in your relationship
4. Defends you when necessary
5. Is in it for the long-term

Loyalty and commitment green flag examples in friendships

1. Supporting consistently: A loyal friend consistently shows up for you, whether it’s during celebrations or challenging times, demonstrating their commitment to being part of your life.
2. Prioritizing your well-being: A committed friend genuinely cares about your happiness and success, often making sacrifices to ensure you feel supported and valued.
3. Keeping promises: A loyal friend follows through on their commitments and promises, reinforcing trust and reliability.
4. Encouraging growth: A loyal friend not only stands by you but also encourages you to grow and pursue your goals, showing their commitment to your life and future.

Finding, Building and Maintaining Green Friendships

Now that you’ve taken the time to learn what green friendships traits you’re looking for, gather your confidence and self-respect and actively get out there and seek them out!

Clearly paint a picture (for yourself and others) of what you desire in you relationships. Where needed, educate your existing friends about your relationship expectations and, when necessary, let go of unhealthy connections.

Here are the steps I recommend:

1. Fully understand green flag behaviors
2. Solidify your self-confidence and self-respect. Recognize that others will treat you according to the standards you set.
3. Express your needs clearly to your friends
4. Provide constructive feedback to your friends. Gently address any areas where improvement is needed.
5. Be patient. Change takes time. If your friend is dedicated to developing positive behaviors, show them grace and support throughout their journey.
6. Model positive behavior. Demonstrate the green flag characteristics you wish to see in your friends.
7. Encourage mutual growth: Create an environment where you and your friend feel comfortable discussing personal growth and self-improvement. Celebrate each other’s progress and support ongoing efforts.

How to Identify and Cultivate Green Flag Behaviors Within Yourself

Having reflected on the green flag behaviors you observe in others, now it’s time to fully shift the focus away from others and on to yourself. (After all, you are the only person you can control.)

Here are some suggestions to help you cultivate your own green flag traits:

1. Assess yourself: Take some time to review the above green flag traits and characteristics and rate yourself on each on a scale of 1-10.
2. Set personal goals: Identify specific green flag traits you want to further develop in yourself. Set achievable goals to work towards these improvements.
3. Practice: Integrate these positive behaviors into your daily interactions.
4. Educate yourself: Learn more about effective communication, empathy, and other green flag traits. Books, articles, podcasts and workshops are all excellent sources of valuable insights and helpful techniques.
5. Stay mindful: Be mindful of your actions and their impact on others. Regularly check in with yourself, and your friends, to ensure you are aligning with the green flag behaviors you aim to cultivate.

Why Joining a Social Club Can Help You Find Green Friends

As I mentioned early in this article, my own efforts to help women in midlife and combat our loneliness crisis revolve around the women’s social club that I founded.

As the leader of The Trybe, I provide social events and group activities through which members can interact with a large variety of other women (all of whom are also interested in making new friends) with the goal of finding new friends.

For more info on social clubs, check out my article on the benefits of joining a social club and, if you really enjoy bringing people together, perhaps also read this one on the many benefits of starting a social club.

(If you live in or near The Woodlands, Texas, this article provides quite a bit of detail about the in-person version of our social club.)

Final Thoughts

This article discusses emotional intelligence by way of the specific green flag behaviors that you must learn to recognize and expect in your relationships.

But – the biggest green flag of all…the question you should be regularly asking yourself is… “how does this person make me feel”?

Do you feel safe, prioritized, respected, energized and happy when you’re with your friend?

The answer to this question MUST be a wholehearted and emphatic “yes”.

My hope is that this article helps give you confidence to insist that those closest to you exhibit green flag behaviors. This may require some patient re-education of your friends, or even result in the need to let go of certain relationships.

I also hope that you will assess your own emotional intelligence and continually work to improve. After all, one of the best ways to ensure that you will have great friends is to be one.

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