7 Empowering Strategies for How to Find Yourself Again

If you’re like a lot of ladies finding their way through midlife right now, your keys probably aren’t all you lose sometimes! 

Years of balancing a career with marriage, children, a busy social life, and all the rest of it may have you convinced you’ve also lost yourself and left you wondering how to find yourself again.

But don’t worry. Just like you always eventually find those pesky keys (even when they turn up in the freezer), you can eventually figure out how to find yourself again, too. 

It’s simply a matter of knowing where to look.

Why Do We Feel Like We Lose Ourselves in Midlife?

Don’t worry. Even if it feels like it sometimes, you’re not losing your mind. 

You’re not alone, either. Millions of women find themselves reflecting on who they even are anymore at some point in midlife, and it’s not hard to understand why. 

Check out the following list of common reasons and see whether any of them sound familiar.

Physical changes you could definitely do without

Frustrating physical limitations, combined with age-related changes in appearance, can lead to self-image struggles, feelings of invisibility, and a general impression that you’re no longer the one holding the reins when it comes to your own body.

Life transitions that make your head spin

Aging parents, children leaving the nest, divorce, retirement (starting a new business in “retirement”) – just one of those things is enough to leave anyone reeling. 

However, a woman navigating her way through midlife might experience all of those (and more) within just a few years. Who wouldn’t wonder who they even are anymore after all that?

Mortality staring you smack in the face

Events like milestone birthdays, health scares, and the passing of friends or loved ones have a way of making you painfully aware of the passage of time. 

Am I living a meaningful life with purpose? What are my regrets, and what do I do about them? 

Who am I, and is it who I want to be? It’s only natural to ask yourself those questions.

How to Find Yourself Again: 7 Tips for Pulling Off a Successful Search

Whether or not you want to call what you’re going through a midlife crisis, know that there’s nothing wrong with wondering how to find yourself again at this stage. 

The woman you know you used to be is totally in there somewhere! 

Let’s dive into some of the ways you can get her to finally start returning your calls.

1. Find yourself by falling madly in love with the new you

OK, let’s deal with the toughest truth bomb right away. 

Part of the reason you don’t feel like the same woman you used to be is the fact that you’re not the same. You’ve experienced a lot in life by now – wins, losses, and everything in between. 

Those experiences have undoubtedly changed who you are.

Yes, some of those changes look suspiciously like smile lines you never had before. But consider the fact that every last one of those smile lines is proof positive that you’ve smiled a lot. 

You’ve lived even more, and you’ve acquired some serious wisdom along the way.

In other words, you’re nothing like that curdled milk you finally threw out last week, despite how you might feel sometimes. Human beings don’t rot and spoil. 

They age with grace and dignity like fine Cabernet Sauvignon, developing more nuance and flavor as the years go by. 

Give yourself permission to fall in love with all the ways you’re just like that Cabernet.

2. Ask yourself what actually brings you joy

Really, it’s OK if it’s not housework. 

And you know what? It’s OK if it’s not your job, either, or some high-brow hobby that gels more with who you think you should be than who you actually are. 

Ask yourself what actually lights you up inside – bonus points if it’s silly, or simple, or random.

Perhaps you love nothing more than binge-watching true crime documentaries over a good cup of cocoa before bed. 

Or maybe you’re the type of person who loves to dance like nobody’s watching when you’re home alone. 

Pure joy is precious, so don’t be afraid to lean into the things that bring it to you.

Don’t sweat it if none of the things that used to make you as giddy and excited do the job anymore, though. 

Take a page out of Younger You’s book, break out of that rut, and discover some new joys to love. It’s never too late to learn something new or try something different.

3. Find yourself by becoming OK with not having all the answers

It’s a common misconception that you’re supposed to have it all figured out by midlife. 

The fact is that NO ONE has it all figured out and has all her ducks in a row. (No, not even that power woman you know who just popped into your head when you read that.) 

That’s the good news.

The better news is that life is sweeter when there’s a little mystery involved. 

So, if you’re wondering how to find yourself again, become alright with the fact that you don’t know it all and you never will. 

You don’t need the perfect road map to find your way in life. A healthy sense of curiosity is so much more effective.

4. Find beauty and wonder in the mundane

As the late, great John Lennon once sang, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” 

We spend so much of our time thinking the big things are the true stuff of life. But while big moments and huge milestones are important, they’re not all there is to being alive.

Sometimes it’s all about the little victories and the passing moments – those little glimmers that come and go so quickly but bring you the purest joy while they’re here. 

Train yourself to notice those things more often. Celebrate the small wins that happen every day. Sometimes they hold the keys to how to find yourself again.

Not sure where to start? It’s OK to start small. Set aside ten minutes out of every day for something that helps you center yourself. 

If that’s yoga or gratitude journaling, that’s great, but it doesn’t have to be. 

Sometimes singing at the top of your lungs to your personal theme song or doodling in a sketchbook can be just as powerful. 

Remember, you’re the boss, and you make the rules.

5. Reboot your personal concept of success

We all have core values and beliefs that are important parts of who we are. The most key of those core values usually remain pretty stable over time, but it’s not uncommon for things to evolve over the years. 

It’s also very common for the roles we play in other people’s lives to heavily influence how we define key concepts like success.

Forget what success meant to your parents or how it looks to your friends and the people you admire. 

Forget what it used to mean to you twenty (or even ten) years ago, because chances are you’re way overdue for an update. 

Definitely forget the notion that success means achieving perfection.

The great thing about midlife is you’re entering a phase where you’ll finally have more time for you. 

So, does your current take on success mean spending more quality time with people you love? 

Maybe it means staying healthy or engaged with your community. The only requirement is that your answer be something that brings joy and delight to your life.

6. Find yourself by finding new friends

Although there’s no definitive statistic on just how many women struggle with establishing new connections in midlife, there’s a lot of information out there to suggest it’s as many as 40-50 percent.

By midlife, a lot of the things that were your whole world for years aren’t front and center anymore, as is the case when facing retirement or an empty nest. 

Your social circle may not be what it used to be, either, and making friends in midlife can be tough. 

But that doesn’t make social support and connection with others any less important.

Try diving into social activities that get you out, about, and rubbing elbows with peers and people of like mind. Fill some of your spare time with something rewarding, like volunteer work, or sign up for a workshop on a subject you love.

You may even want to consider joining a social group for women going through some of the same transitions and changes you are. 

And if you’re really serious about learning how to find yourself again, you can consider a more intensive (but results producing) option like my Midlife Reimagined Mastermind for connecting with like-minded midlifers and proactively getting unstuck together.

7. Dream a really big, new dream

No, really – a big dream, just like the kind you used to dream for yourself when you were an innocent young thing just getting started in life. 

Dreaming isn’t just for the young, so never let anyone tell you otherwise.

In fact, some of the world’s most inspiring success stories are about people who achieved incredible things after 50:

• Charles Darwin published his masterwork, On the Origin of Species, when he was 50 years old.
• Julia Child was 51 years old when she made her television debut as one of the world’s most iconic chefs.
• Anna Mary Robertson Moses (whom you probably know best as Grandma Moses) dreamed of being a painter her entire life but didn’t actually get started until 78.
• Laura Ingalls Wilder didn’t sit down to write the legendary Little House books we all grew up on until she was 65.
• Ray Kroc was 59 years old when he bought what would become the very first McDonald’s restaurant. (Yes, that McDonald’s.)

In other words, if you’re still alive, you’re still young enough to dream. 

So, write that novel you’ve had kicking around in your head since you were 15. Backpack your way across Europe or train for a marathon. 

Start that midlife business you’ve been daydreaming about lately. You’re almost certain to find yourself again at some point along the way.