Marriage in Midlife. From Surviving to Thriving.

Wondering if a luxury cruise will recreate marital magic with your spouse?

Fearful that you can’t hack another five minutes of his coffee-slurping, let alone a long, golden future?

Maybe you’re thinking of swapping out marriage for a rescue pup from the local shelter? (So adorable. So much less work. Potentially a better conversationalist.)

Don’t worry. You’re not alone, or going mad. You’re just experiencing marriage in midlife, and this phase DOES pass. Let’s unpack what’s going on…

The Challenges of Marriage in Midlife

In my recent blogs, I’ve explored some of the big topics that concern us in midlife. From empty nesting to finding new friends, there’s no doubt that this period can be challenging. 

However, as a clinical psychologist and fellow midlifer, I know these years can (and should) also be a time of possibility, change, and growth, rather than doom and gloom!

Through my Midlife Reinvention Mastermind, I help action-oriented “can-do” women like you navigate classic midlife transitions with grace and purpose. 

And yes, absolutely, we cover the topic of marriage in midlife! 

Is a Midlife Marriage Crisis Inbound?

What can we do to re-energize a marriage partnership that has veered off course, lost energy, or simply become… stale?

Ladies, stop “researching the locals” on Facebook and get your head back in the game! Midlife marriage can be hard, but it needn’t stay that way.

You married your husband for a reason (even if you can’t quite remember it), and all the good stuff is (usually) still there, just waiting to be rediscovered!

And, let’s face the truth: if you’re questioning your midlife marriage, and wondering if a one-way ticket to Costa Rica could be a good call, your other half probably is too!

Is It Normal to Experience Midlife Marriage Issues?

Absolutely! And honestly, I might raise a slightly skeptical eyebrow toward any couple who tells me they have NO midlife marriage problems at all. Ever. Nope. Not here.

Because let’s be honest, midlife is a time of profound change for women and men alike. (And if you aren’t feeling ANY nudge of adjustment, I’d say perhaps there’s a little denial going on. Or the latest Real Crime Documentary series on Netflix really IS that absorbing!)

The reality is, marriage in midlife is often a challenging and pivotal stage when couples can become a little “lost”, especially when empty-nesting is in the mix.

For most of us, the partner we’ve spent years looking at lovingly can suddenly become a source of irritation and angst.

You may well be projecting your feelings of general discontent onto them. And you well be listening with great interest to your friend in the middle of her own midlife crisis divorce too!

The Shifting Dynamics of Midlife Marriage: An Opportunity, NOT a Threat

Feel like throwing the “good china” at his head? Well OK. Your charming partner may well be eyeing you with the same bubbling thoughts!

But there’s good news here! These shifting midlife dynamics actually offer exciting new opportunities and the chance for you both to reinvent yourselves and your relationship together.

Trust me when I say, that when couples work through difficulties together, they often uncover a far richer, deeper, and all-around better marriage as a result. 

What Are The Main Causes of Midlife Marriage Breakdown?

Empty nesting is just one very common cause of midlife marriage problems. Other midlife marriage challenges include:

• A changing sense of self
• Fear of aging
• A sense of being generally unhappy or disconnected from life
• Frustration if your ambitions have fallen by the wayside (perhaps to raise a family, for example)
• A husband in the middle of his own midlife crisis!

If you’re wallowing in self-pity and ignoring each other in favor of your phones, you’re not alone. But marriage in midlife doesn’t automatically equate to marriage breakdown! 

If you’re prepared to put the work in, you have a golden opportunity to recreate something truly beautiful, and I’ve witnessed countless numbers of my clients go on to do exactly that! 

But it requires work. Hard work. 

Marriage in Midlife Can Be a Fresh Start

For many of my clients, a period of loss and sadness can become a new era of fresh starts, a chance to rediscover each other again, and an opportunity to strengthen a vital bond. 

There are so many ways to reignite a marriage in midlife, and you’ll be amazed at how easy it can be to shift into a new lane together. 

From smiling at old memories, revisiting “your songs” and creating fresh energy with new, shared, plans, there are plenty of ways to bring excitement and purpose back into your marriage and reconnect with your spouse.

How Can I Revitalize My Midlife Marriage?

First, accept that change is a constant. Your kids grew up and left home? Feels awful for a while doesn’t it? But it doesn’t need to stay that way.

Let me be honest though. (I always am.) You don’t float through midlife marriage problems and magically wake up madly in love again, with a clear sense of your shared future.

This isn’t a Hallmark Movie

Arguably, real life is a lot more interesting than that.

You have to put the work in. The same way that you put work into all other aspects of life. (And, let’s be real here too, many of us stopped putting that level of effort into our primary relationship a long time ago!)

It’s very easy to get wrapped up in the lives of children, friends, colleagues, and even your hairdresser… while putting your significant other on the back burner.

But again, this is OK. It’s life, and it is a constant learning process. And the good news is that there are many things you can do to reignite your marriage at midlife and make it central to your sense of purpose, energy, and joy once again.

Communication and Midlife Marriage Problems 

Happy and successful couples know how to communicate. With that in mind, when did you last sit down together, and really listen to each other, without screens or other distractions?

Do you know what makes each other tick? Has that changed? What are your dreams? These big questions get lost in the daily minutiae of “Did you wash my gym shorts” and passive-aggressive accusations about meal planning and grocery shopping. 

A little openness and a lot of humor can help here. Sometimes just going for a walk together can be enough to start a long-overdue conversation.

Get to know each other… Again

Do you know what’s on your husband’s mind? What are his dreams nowadays? What are his fears? Does he confide in friends or bottle things up? What about you? What would you tell him, if you had no fears about speaking your mind? Can you be vulnerable with each other? Can you still make each other laugh?

If the thought of starting those conversations makes your stomach twist in anxiety and worry, then maybe have them with a marriage therapist in the mix. Professionals at the top of their game have coaches. Why wouldn’t you?

What does a healthy midlife marriage look like?

The key to a solid marriage in midlife is creating a shared vision and goals for the future. You need to work out who you are, in the NOW. And then, together, you need shared things to get excited about, look forward to, and work toward together!

For many of us in a midlife marriage, this means working out how to reconnect with our spouses once again. 

A healthy marriage will look different for each couple; there’s no ‘must do’ template. But I think we can all agree that it involves respect, communication, shared time, and… some fun! 

Midlife Marriage and Dating!

(To clarify ladies, I mean dating your husband. Not that guy at the gym making eyes over the free weights.)

You’re sick of your other half’s dirty socks and propensity to clear his throat before talking, but when did you last go on a date or try something new together? 

When did you last do something really silly and collapse in laughter together? 

Many midlife marriage problems can be eased by prioritizing each other again and remembering exactly what prompted you to say “I do!” in the first place!

That date doesn’t have to be big or expensive either  – just go try that new Asian street food place in town, or check out that comedy night together that everyone’s buzzing about.

And while you’re at it, why not dress up for each other and meet at the venue? I guarantee you’ll look at each other afresh… especially if you spot another woman giving your beloved an appreciative eye!

Tackle Your Midlife Marriage Issues With Radical Accountability

Wherever you’re at in your midlife marriage, there’s probably room for improvement. 

(Unless you are both skipping happily into the horizon hand-in-hand and staring into each other’s eyes as the kids leave for college. Anyone? I didn’t think so.)

For those of us in the real world, are you ready to climb out of your midlife marriage rut and launch into a thriving midlife filled with exciting opportunities, freedom, and adventure – together? 

Then step forward, and commit to driving your next steps together with intention, purpose, and FUN!

How My Midlife Reinvention Mastermind Will Help

Through my Midlife Reinvention Mastermind, you will gain immediate access to the tools, tough-love expert support, and community that you need to transform your marriage and the other key relationships in your life (including the one with yourself!)

I work with bold, hard-working, and action-oriented women just like you to effect powerful change, using my years of clinical psychology experience, renowned tough-love approach, and a community of like-minded women to create the best possible support group.

If this sounds like something you’re ready for, close that Insta-feed, put the cookies back in the jar, and go splash some cold water on your face. We’ve got work to do! 

Sign up now and prepare to change your life with a proven reinvention program that delivers real results (with my 14-day money-back guarantee for a completely risk-free investment in YOU!)