7 Must-Try Strategies to (Finally!) Put Yourself First

If you’re like a lot of women finding your way in midlife, you’ve been putting other people first for so long that uttering even a simple “sorry, I can’t right now” probably feels like lapsing into a foreign language.

For years, everyone from your kids to your boss to your houseplants has been demanding the lion’s share of your attention, and you’ve been stepping up like a boss. But that’s the great thing about midlife. It’s finally time for you to shine. Here’s a How to Put Yourself First 101 crash course to get you started in the right direction.

Why Is Putting Yourself First So Hard?

As women, we’re conditioned from an early age to define ourselves by the roles we play in the lives of others. So, whether you’re the boss babe who always took pride in being indispensable at work or the loving mom who never let her kids feel unsupported, it’s only natural to value yourself for the ways you’ve been here for others.

But factors like retirement, a steadily emptying nest, or divorce can leave you struggling to find purpose in life after 50 and beyond.

Other key factors might include examples like the following:

Cultural and societal influences

Although gender-related cultural norms are a lot less rigid than they use to be, the urge to prioritize others over yourself is pretty deeply ingrained. Religious teachings and family-specific values can reinforce this phenomenon.

Self-image

Age-related or otherwise, self-worth struggles are very common in midlife, especially after retirement. If you feel unworthy or undeserving deep down, putting yourself first might seem unthinkable. This may especially be the case if you struggle with people-pleasing.

Benefits of Putting Yourself First?

Listen, I get it. Developing a better understanding of how to put myself first took work, and it’s bound to be a whole process for you, as well. But I promise it’s worth it. Here are a few of the biggest benefits that come with it:

• Embracing better self-care can help you zap those pesky midlife self-esteem issues and put them on the bench for good. Up to 64 percent of people experience improved self-confidence and 71 percent say they’re happier.
• Making yourself priority number one helps you cope better with stress and lowers the likelihood of developing depression and anxiety.
• Taking responsibility for your own happiness and fulfillment helps restore feelings of control over your life that aging and life changes may have taken away.

And just in case you’re feeling guilty about the idea of making your life all about you again, you should know that putting yourself first helps you show up for others, as well. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so loving yourself with enthusiasm is a highly effective way to love others more in turn.

How You Can Finally “Put Myself First”

No clue where to start when it comes to how to put yourself first? Grab a pen, pour yourself a cup of tea, and prepare to take some notes. Self-care and self-prioritization will be second nature before you know it.

1. Know that it’s OK to start small

Hey, before you can do backflips, you have to learn to stand up and walk, so go easy on yourself. So many people think midlife crises and related changes are first-world problems that shouldn’t matter.

However, they’re actually very real, not to mention very challenging.

That said, it’s totally kosher to start small. Trying taking five minutes for yourself first thing every morning – five minutes that you spend in peace before checking your email or leaping out of bed to make breakfast for the family.

Stretch, gaze out the window at the morning sunlight, or read a few paragraphs of your current page-turner.

Yes, it’s just five minutes. But that’s enough to shift your focus in the right direction, especially over time.

2. Get comfortable with saying “no”

For such a little word, “no” sure does weigh a ton. If you’re used to being the person your family, friends, and coworkers go to with their problems and needs, the mere thought of saying “no” is probably enough to send you into a mental tailspin.

What will people think? Will you spontaneously burst into flames? Will the world end?

But don’t worry. The sun will still come up tomorrow, and the best way for you to see that is to give it a try.

Start with low-stakes examples, like saying “no thanks” to a night out with coworkers when what you really want is to veg out at home with a glass of Chardonnay and the next episode of Bridgerton.

From there, try tackling progressively bigger scenarios. Be polite, but be direct. And resist the urge to make excuses. Let no mean no and yes mean yes.

3. Tell guilt to take a seat

When you’re used to saying “yes” to everything and everyone, whether you can really afford to or not, saying “no” instead can leave you feeling like the most selfish person alive.

Real talk time – putting yourself first, especially when you really need to take care of yourself, is anything but selfish.

Try stepping outside of yourself for a moment to gain a little perspective.

What would you tell a good friend if she were in your shoes? You’d almost certainly tell her that she’s awesome and deserves some TLC. You might even insist that she take some.

So, decide right now that you’re going to let go of the self-limiting belief that self-care is somehow OK for everyone else but a no-no for you.

Try picturing your guilt as a clingy acquaintance that can’t take a hint and always seems to be up in your grill over something.

The next time it invites you to feel bad about yourself over sleeping in on a Sunday, tell it “not today” before asking it to move along. If it helps, visualize it sighing and kicking rocks before turning around and leaving.

4. Embrace the idea of solo adventures

One of the best ways to get the hang of how to put yourself first is to spend some quality time alone with yourself. In fact, when was the last time you took an afternoon to just chill on your own? If it’s been a while, then it’s entirely possible that you need to get to know yourself again and rediscover who you are at your current age.

Going on a solo adventure or two is a terrific way to do exactly that, so make a date to treat yourself sometime soon. By all means, if you want to plan an epic solo vacation, go for it! But it’s OK to take baby steps, too. Go check out that art exhibition you’ve been dying to see or indulge in a piece of cake and a coffee at that cute new café on the corner.

Not comfortable hanging out all by yourself in busy public settings just yet? Keep it low-key with a scenic drive or a morning jog through the park while listening to your favorite music instead. The only requirement is that you make it a personal date with yourself. Create a peaceful little pocket of time that leaves you free to focus on your needs, wants, and feelings for a change.

5. Master the fine art of delegation

When you’re the problem solver at the office, in your household, or within your friends group, it becomes second nature to do everything yourself. Because the more you do, the less everyone else has to do, right? You already know trying to “do it all” isn’t good for you, but consider for a moment that maybe it’s not what’s best for everyone else, either.

Delegating responsibility when it makes sense isn’t just one of the best ways to start putting yourself first. It gives other people the chance to get involved and feel useful, as well. Chances are the people in your life who love you most are dying for a chance to help you out and repay you for all you do for a change.

Plus, healthy relationships of any kind involve give and take. Reconsider connections and so-called friendships with people who truly do make you feel like it’s your job to do all the giving. It’s a major red flag.

6. Join an empowerment mastermind or workshop

Are you the type who really excels in social settings filled with like-minded people on the same journey? Consider joining a social club or signing up for a workshop designed to help you learn how to put yourself first and get the absolute most out of midlife.

Midlife Reimagined Mastermind is a great example to check out. It’s designed to help you climb out of any ruts you might be in and get reacquainted with life, excitement, and freedom again by taking action and holding yourself accountable.

You’ll learn to trim the fat from your life and let go of outmoded values that may not be serving you anymore for good.

Taking classes, volunteering, or embracing a new hobby that involves connecting with other people can be helpful on a similar level.

The idea is to dive into something that gets you out of your head and gets you feeling amazing about being your own person again.

7. Give yourself permission to make imperfect progress

Perfection is probably the most overrated, overhyped concept ever. Imperfections, quirks, and unexpected surprises are what give people their character, right? Well, the same can be said for experiences and personal journeys.

Nailing your “how to put myself first” journey isn’t about doing everything perfectly from day one. It’s about breaking old patterns and replacing them with new ones that put the excitement back into life and make you feel vital again.

So don’t sweat it if “all” you were able to do on a given day was remember to drink enough water for a change. Even little wins add up, especially over time, and they absolutely pave the way to big wins.

Keep in mind that it’s not a contest and that you’re the one in the driver’s seat. Move at your own pace, stay the course, and it won’t be long before you’re where you want to be!