If you want to host a meaningful and memorable Friendsgiving for your favorite people, you've come to the right place.
If you're looking for specific recipes and links to decor, stationary and party supplies...check out the other 1000 articles available on the topic of Friendsgiving.
This article is different.
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Table of Contents
Introduction
Friendsgiving.
Literally a merging of the words Friends and Thanksgiving.
A time when you bring your chosen family together to express gratitude for each other. To bond with your people. Your tribe.
Somehow, over Friendsgiving's short history, its focus has morphed into, "It's the food that REALLY matters. And don't forget about the decorations!
Wait, what?
Don't believe me?
Trying Googling "How to host a Friendsgiving party" or "Friendsgiving ideas" and you’ll drown in a sea of articles, every single one of them completely missing the point.
Many actually overtly state, “THE FOOD is the most important!” A few will say that “FRIENDS matter most!”...but then immediately dive into menu and decorations. (Ugh, come on!)
I have two theories about why this is.
1) Food and decorations are what many hosts get nervous about and spend all their time, energy and money on.
2) Companies focus on food and decorations because they want to sell you...well...food, decorations and party supplies.
As I already said...This article is different.
From my perspective as a Social Club Leader, a Clinical Psychologist and a seasoned Event Planner, I'll teach you how to host a REAL Friendsgiving. A meaningful one that focuses on what TRULY matters.
The best part? You don't need 100 friends, a giant house, a big budget, to know how to cook or even a freakin' turkey.
ANYONE can do this! Are you ready to think differently?
Who is Dr. Angela Caveney?
Backing up for those of you who are curious about why you should consider my opinions on this topic...
I'm Dr. Angela Caveney. I'm a Clinical Psychologist, Neuropsychologist and the Founder of The Trybe Women's Social Club.
As a Clinical Psychologist, I teach people how to make friends and deepen their relationships. I often semi-seriously refer to myself as a professional friendship matchmaker and mentor.
As the leader of The Trybe, I've become an expert at planning activities and events that bring people together in community.
As the author of the Midlife Reimagined Blog, I also write about other popular midlife topics such as finding your personal core values, empty nesting, reinventing yourself and finding purpose.
Origin of Friendsgiving
The exact origin of the word Friendsgiving is unknown.
According to this article by Merriam-Webster, although likely verbalized prior to this, the term Friendsgiving appears to have first emerged in print in 2007, with references found in Usenet posts and on Twitter. As the concept gained popularity, Friendsgiving began appearing in lifestyle articles as early as 2008.
Many people credit the spread of the idea of Friendsgiving to the show, Friends (though they never actually use the word Friendsgiving), a 2011 Bailey's Irish Cream ad campaign and The Real Housewives of New Jersey's "Gobblefellas" episode.
What is Friendsgiving? (The Real Meaning)
The essence of a Friendsgiving fall gathering lies in bringing friends together to express gratitude for the joy they bring into our lives. It's a celebration of connection and community.
Friendsgiving was created with the intention of contrasting with Thanksgiving in two main ways: 1) Friendsgiving is for quality time with our chosen family, and 2) it was meant to be a low-key event, much more informal than the traditional Thanksgiving meal.
In other words, Friendsgiving was never meant to be a stress filled food fest with relatives you don't like!
To be clear, if you love cooking, hosting big feasts and decorating, it is perfectly fine to spend time and energy on these things! But it’s also absolutely crucial to remember that they should enhance your Friendsgiving party, not define it.
In this article, I do include sections on food, decor, and other relevant Friendsgiving topics. However, my focus is always on how these elements can enhance your guests' experiences of gratitude and connection during your event.
Your Friendsgiving WHY
The first and most important thing you must do to host a meaningful Friendsgiving party is to clearly define your intention for the gathering. Think deeply about what you are trying to accomplish - and WHY you want to do this.
(Tip. Deciding on your Friendsgiving WHY becomes easier when you know your core personal values.)
Some Friendsgiving WHYs to consider:
1) To strengthen or deepen your existing friendships
2) To celebrate each other and relive old times
3) To create emotional moments of expressed appreciation
4) To introduce friends from different parts of your life to each other
5) To laugh and play together with lighthearted competition
I cannot overemphasize the importance of getting this part right. Once your WHY is clear, it will guide every other decision you make about your Friendsgiving event...so spend some time on this! (Far more time than on your Friendsgiving menu!)
Your Friendsgiving Fall Gathering Guest List
After defining your Friendsgiving WHY, creating your guest list is the most important piece of your Friendsgiving puzzle.
Back when I was less purposeful about curating meaningful events for friends, I honestly would have invested very little time on this step. I would have simply sent out a mass email to my local contacts and let the chips fall where they may.
With a "the more the merrier" or "whomever was meant to be there will be there" approach to hosting, I would have also told attendees that, of course, they could bring their brand new boyfriend or their aunt visiting from overseas. (I admittedly do still use this laisser faire approach for my very large - and loud - events such as my annual New Year's Eve and 80s parties.)
Friendsgiving, though, isn't meant to be the type of event where we cram our house full of people or roll the dice on meeting someone new. (This is so hard for me because meeting new people is one of my favorite things...)
Instead, sit down with your Friendsgiving WHY (I like to write my WHY with an intensely colored sharpie on the top of the blank sheet of paper on which I'm brainstorming guests) and then start thinking through your friends, one-by-one, considering whether each friend attending matches your WHY - or not.
This process may be somewhat time consuming and some of your choices will likely be difficult, but when your Friendsgiving fall gathering brings together the perfect combination of intention and people, the results will be truly magical.
How MANY friends to invite to your Friendsgiving fall gathering
(I thought it was worth taking just a minute to discuss the logistics of event size because this is something not everyone understands intuitively.)
Again, with your Friendsgiving WHY firmly in mind, think about the ideal number of people that will fulfill this purpose.
I recommend groups of 8 or fewer for very intimate gatherings when your goal is to support or get to know each other through deeper, extended conversations. Small groups are best for single, cohesive conversations where everyone shares their thoughts and stories. Also, some Friendsgiving games are best with eight or less.
Groups of 9-12 guests are still great for conversation, but your expectations for the depth and the meaningfulness of these may need to be toned down a bit (unless you are extremely skilled at leading group conversations). It is also more difficult to manage a sustained, whole-group conversation (if that is your goal) as groups of this size tend to splinter off into 2-3 separate conversations.
A couple of advantages to groups of 9-12 guests are that you're more likely to encounter a diversity of opinions and ideas, and many Friendsgiving games are perfect for groups of this size.
Groups larger than 12 are difficult to wrangle into a single, cohesive conversation, but they can be a LOT of fun and completely appropriate if your Friendsgiving WHY is to evoke excitement, laughter and enjoy friendly competition.
I don't recommend hosting a Friendsgiving fall gathering for more than 20 people, unless your WHY has something to do with creating connections among people who don't already know each other well.
If you choose to go this route, make sure to still plan some structure into your event or it will simply become just another loosely defined social activity where everyone wanders around engaging in awkward small talk.
Which friends to exclude
With your Friendsgiving WHY in mind, you must also think carefully about who not to invite. Certain combinations of people may not work well together. You want everyone to feel comfortable and included, so do your best to be mindful of any potential issues.
Of course, the smaller the group, the more critical this becomes. For example, if you're hosting a smaller gathering and want a balanced conversation with everyone sharing their stories, it likely doesn't make sense to invite your super fun, but overbearing friend who seems to think that the concept of a group conversation is 50/50 (50% her, 50% everyone else).
If you're planning an evening of fun and friendly competition, don't invite the otherwise wonderful friend who turns into the Hulk when playing games.
Ready to have your mind blown? You also don't need to invite all of (or even any of) the spouses of your friends! Being married to someone you WANT to invite doesn't automatically mean that they fit the intention for your Friendsgiving.
When is Friendsgiving?
One of the greatest things about Friendsgiving is that there is no set date. You don't even have to host it in the month of November.
If I'm working with a larger invitee list and it's ok with me that many I invite cannot attend, I simply choose a date - typically 1 to 2 weeks before Thanksgiving - that works well for me. (And then I get out my invitations EARLY before their social calendars start filling up.)
If I have a medium sized list and I'm ok with a few people not being able to attend, I'll reach out to just a few of the most "key" people to find a date that works for the majority of those people.
If I have a small, carefully curated list of specific people I want to gather, I'll do whatever it takes to find a date that works for everyone. (I often use scheduling software such as Doodle, Rallly or Calendly to make this easy.) At times, you'll need to be creative to pull this off (such as hosting outside of November, on a weekday evening or during the day).
Meaningful Friendsgiving Invitations
Although many hosts (including myself at times) like to hit the "Easy" button and simply group message friends the event info, sending actual invitations (even digital ones) is important because they:
1) Embody your Friendsgiving WHY and begin to set the stage for your guests
2) Are actually the beginning of your event as they start to build anticipation and excitement
3) Make people feel included in a thoughtful way
Keeping your Friendsgiving WHY in mind, consider incorporating one or more of the below ideas into your invitation game-plan to help your guests begin to understand that they are being invited to something truly special:
Personal Touch. Paper, handwritten invitations stand out in our electronic age.
Gratitude Message. Include a short, personal note expressing what each invitee means to you and why you would value their presence.
Dress Code. If your event has a dress code (e.g., pajamas, comfy sweaters, seasonal dress etc...), this is your first opportunity to tell guests, setting the stage for the spirit of the gathering.
Potluck. Invite guests to bring their favorite dish to share.
Activity Highlights. Mention fun activities planned, such as Friendsgiving games or a gratitude circle. Let guests know if there is anything they need to think about or bring with them.
RSVP with Intent. Create connection before the event by asking guests to RSVP with a note about something related to your Friendsgiving WHY, such as what they’re looking forward to most.
Story Sharing. Ask guests to bring a personal story or memory to share. This gives them time to prepare and will enhance the depth of conversations.
Memory Lane. If your group is well-defined (e.g., a book club) and invitees will know who else is coming, include a space for guests to write a fond memory they have shared with the group to be read aloud during your gathering.
Meaningful Quote. Include an inspiring quote about friendship, gratitude, or togetherness to emphasize the tone of your event.
Meaning of Friendsgiving. Include a note about what Friendsgiving means to you.
Meaningful Friendsgiving Menu
Despite my insistence that Friendsgiving is not about the food, I do have to admit that not having food at your Friendsgiving feast would, well...just be weird. ☺️
And I also have to admit that food truly is a great way to bring people together.
But, you can serve whatever you want. You don't have to have turkey!
And...you can go out to a restaurant (they are, afterall, ALL open on Friendsgiving - haha) or simply have the feast catered.
Here are my top suggestions for creating a Friendsgiving meal with meaning:
Friendship Toast. Before the meal, ask each guest to make a quick toast. Make this easier for your guests by offering prompts such as, "Share a moment when someone at this table made a difference in your life," or "Describe a time when someone here brought a smile to your face or touched your heart."
Sharing Stories. Encourage guests to bring a "dish with a story" to share. This may be a dish that has been passed down through generations of their family, or, if the group of friends has a lot of history, it could be a dish that has an inside-group story behind it.
Cultural Exchange. Encourage guests to bring a dish from their culture, growing appreciation and understanding of the diverse backgrounds within your community of friends.
Cook Together. Turn food preparation into a collaborative activity to strengthen bonds by laughing, sharing, and creating new memories together as you cook side by side.
Be Mindful. Show you care about each individual guest by being mindful of their dietary preferences and needs. (For example) Your vegan and gluten free friends will be touched that you valued them enough to thoughtfully include options for them.
Gratitude. Use various moments during the meal for guests to express gratitude for friendship.
Leftover Love. Share leftovers with your guests to extend the celebration and the memory of the event beyond the day itself.
Friendsgiving Table Settings
A surprising number of Friendsgiving articles wax lyrically about the importance of place cards and table settings. In the spirit of hosting a meaningful Friendsgiving fall gathering, I have just a few words to say on this topic:
1) I'm a fan of place cards, but not because they are fancy and elegant (or that I have an affiliate link to a stationary store to offer you). A rule at many of my events is that guests should sit by someone they don't already know well. Place cards are a clever way to remind guests of this rule.
2) Uplevel your place card game by not only including each guest's name, but also a note about why you're grateful that they are in your life.
3) Use real plates and flatware. Sometimes it's just fun (and more memorable) to be a little "fancy". AND - Let's not contribute to our planet's garbage crisis with our Friendsgiving parties (or any of our events for that matter).
If you only have 4 matching plates, double down on the mismatch theme by going treasure hunting at Goodwill for more. Further add to the fun by letting guests choose their plates and take them home as a token of the evening.
Meaningful Friendsgiving Decor
Unlike food, you actually don't need a single Friendsgiving decoration to host a fantastic party. No one ever goes home thinking, "Wow! I had such a great time because of the decorations!"
But, if you enjoy decorating, here are some ways you can use decor to enhance your meaningful Friendsgiving fall gathering.
Personalized Place Settings. Create unique place cards with each guest's name and a special memory or compliment.
Butcher Paper Tablecloth. Take the mealtime portion of your gratefulness party up a notch by forgoing the standard tablecloth for butcher paper. Ask everyone to write out - and later read - what they’re thankful for.
Memory Wall. Set up a space where guests can pin photos or notes about past experiences you've enjoyed together.
Thankful Tree. Draw a tree trunk on a large sheet of paper and stick it to a wall. Place cut-out leaves nearby. Guests can write what they are thankful for on the leaves and attach them to the tree. This creates a beautiful display of gratitude that stands out throughout the event.
Cultural Symbols. Ask guests to bring items from their own Thanksgivings (or other traditions where people are brought together in gratitude). Discuss and incorporate these symbols as decorations in your space.
Mood Lighting. Use candles and other lighting to create a warm and inviting ambiance that encourages conversation and connection.
Photo Booth. Create a photo booth with fun props related to friendship, allowing guests to capture and remember this joyful moment together.
Bring Nature Inside. Go on a walk together, gathering natural materials to bring inside to add to the festive vibe.
Friendsgiving Conversation Starters
Before you default to the traditional question of “What are you thankful for?”, I encourage you to consider something more fresh and novel - something that both aligns with your Friendsgiving WHY and sparks more unique conversations.
Thinking of your own questions is best, but if you need help getting your creative juices flowing, consider these Friendsgiving fall gathering conversation starters:
What was a memorable moment from the past year?
What's one goal you hope to achieve in the upcoming year?
Tell us about a time you learned something important from someone unexpected.
Tell us about an important mentor in your life.
What's a book, movie, or song that has inspired you lately?
What's one thing you have failed at. What did you learn from this?
Name a small act of kindness you’ve witnessed or received recently.
What’s a big challenge you faced this year, and what did you learn from it?
What’s a fun fact about yourself that most people don’t know?
Name a cause or charity that you feel passionate about and would like to support.
Friendsgiving Games and Activities
When searching for Friendsgiving games and activity ideas for my own Friendsgiving party, I was surprised and disappointing to find that most articles are either focused on selling you random games (totally unrelated to friendship or gratitude) - or lists of drinking games.
Don't get me wrong. Game nights, even drinking game nights, are one of my favorite things. But, unless it's consistent with your Friendsgiving WHY, I encourage you to dig deeper.
Here are some Friendsgiving games I've enjoyed at Friendsgiving fall gatherings and similar events over the years:
Speed Friending. This is a larger group activity where not everyone knows each other. Set a timer and have participants pair up for quick, meaningful discussions. Rotate partners after a few minutes. I suggest offering optional questions for when pairs get stuck. (Social introverts particularly appreciate this because it takes off some of the pressure.)
Human Scavenger Hunt. This is my #1 favorite icebreaker for larger events. Create a scavenger hunt card with various traits and experiences (e.g., "Has traveled to Europe" or "Plays more than one musical instrument"). Players mingle to find others who match the squares. (Bonus points if you custom tailor this to your guests vs. using a generic list.)
Friendsgiving Pictionary. This is just like traditional Pictionary, but with a friendship twist! Brainstorm drawing prompts related to friendship - or, if the group knows each other well, experiences you've had together.
Friendsgiving Charades. This is similar to Friendsgiving Pictionary with prompts that work for acting instead of drawing. For a fun twist, you can play "reverse charades" where there is only one guesser and everyone else on the team acts out the prompt.
Friendsgiving Scavenger Hunt. Create a list of friendship or gratitude related items for guests to find around your house or yard. Add a timed element and prizes. You'll be surprised at how exciting this game can be.
Trash to Treasure Auction. Ask everyone to bring one (or more) items from their house that they no longer want. Run a group auction with Monopoly money. You'll get to know each other better, have some great laughs and be totally surprised at what people compete over. It is true that one person's trash is someone else's treasure.
Forest Bathing Walk. This is a twist on the traditional walk after a heavy Thanksgiving meal. Silently walk together through nature, enjoying its beauty and a few moments of peace and gratitude.
Cookie Decorating. Take advantage of the popularity of cookie decorating in the fall by adding a special twist to make it relevant to friendship (e.g., decorate a single huge cookie together) or gratitude (e.g., everyone writes messages on their cookies). Add a little lighthearted competition by asking guests to vote on their favorites.
DIY Workshop. Hire a local artisan (or simply teach something you love to do) to teach an activity that matches your Friendsgiving WHY. This article about social events lists many of the activities and experiences I've created for my Women's Social Club, The Trybe.
Photo Story. Ask guests to share a favorite photo and the memory that goes along with it. For larger groups, the story can relate to gratitude or friendship. For groups who know each other well, encourage guests to share memories and relive some of their favorite moments together.
Friendsgiving Playlist
A solid Friendsgiving playlist is critically important because it sets the vibe for connection and conversation. There are many great "fall themed" playlist options already curated for you by streaming services such as Spotify and Apple Music, but consider creating your own to better match the size, the vibe and the WHY of your Friendsgiving.
Tips for planning a more meaningful Friendsgiving fall gathering playlist:
Think through the planned structure of the evening and time your playlist to match the vibe you're going for during each activity.
For example, you might want to begin with lighthearted, fun music as people arrive, transition to slower, more thoughtful music during dinner and then ramp things up as you play the games.
Ask everyone to share a special song or two in advance.
Take the above suggestion up a notch by asking friends to (when it plays) share a story behind a song they contributed.
Keep the age and musical history of your audience in mind. The right music quickly creates nostalgia. Nostalgia creates deep connection.
Friendsgiving Outfits
People love to dress up, but how do you make it meaningful? How do you make party attire match your Friendsgiving WHY?
I encourage you to come up with your own ideas, but here are a few to get you thinking:
Theme. Invite guests to wear outfits that reflect a chosen theme, such as autumnal colors, cozy sweaters, or even matching Halloween-type costumes to bring a playful vibe to the party.
Matching Accessories. Encourage guests to all wear the same accessory (such as scarves or hats) as a fun way to symbolize friendship and unity.
Family Heirlooms. Similar to ideas related to food and decor, invite guests to wear a piece of clothing or accessory that has sentimental value - and to share the story or memory.
Cultural Attire. Encourage friends to wear traditional clothing representative of their cultural background, creating a visual display of the diverse richness of the gathering.
Power Color. To celebrate each guest's unique spirit and personality, ask attendees to wear their own “power color” - a hue in which they feel most confident and empowered.
Pajamas. Emphasize that you're all comfortable around and feel at home with each other by asking guests to wear their PJs.
Memory Pieces. Invite friends to wear items that remind them of each other, such as a bracelet gifted by a friend.
Friendsgiving Gifts
Depending on your Friendsgiving WHY, it might add to the experience - and the memory of the experience - to create gifts for your guests.
Some ideas for Friendsgiving gifts include:
Recipe Booklets. A collection of the evening’s recipes, allowing guests to recreate the event in their own kitchens.
Gratitude Journals. A beautiful journal, offering a way for guests to extend the gratefulness practice begun at your Friendsgiving fall gathering.
Handwritten Letter. A letter expressing your appreciation for and fond memories of your friendship.
Friendship Plant. A small potted plant, like a succulent, to brighten their space and represent the growth in your relationship.
Experience Gifts. Surprise your guests with tickets or a gift card for a future adventure, like a concert or a spa day, allowing you to create new memories together.
Photo Album. An album of pictures and quotes capturing favorite moments from your Friendsgiving experience together.
Friendsgiving Brunch
Depending on your Friendsgiving WHY, hosting a Friendsgiving Brunch might be more ideal than a more traditional dinner.
Here are some reasons to consider hosting a Friendsgiving Brunch. Do any of these align with your WHY or enhance the meaningfulness of your event?
Brunch is often less formal, allowing for a more relaxed atmosphere that is perfect for meaningful conversations with friends.
For certain friend groups, it can be easier to identify a daytime date and time when everyone is available compared to the hectic evenings.
A Friendsgiving Brunch is more unique than a more "traditional" Friendsgiving Dinner, adding to its appeal for novelty seekers.
Since a Friendsgiving Brunch is less traditional, guests will have less expectations, making it easier for you to get extra creative with your Friendsgiving menu and agenda for the event.
Let's face it, mimosas and bloody marys are a fun way to toast friendship in the morning.
Brunch offers more time for fun outdoor activities and adventures before dark.
Incorporating comforting breakfast foods can spark nostalgia and fond memories among friends.
The daytime energy of a brunch often feels more crisp and vibrant.
Hosting a brunch can be less stressful than dinner, making it easier to focus on quality time.
Friendsgiving Cocktail Party
Let's face it, sometimes cocktails elevate celebrations by disabling our frontal lobes (that's Neuropsychologist humor) just enough to allow us to open up and let our hair down just a bit more.
Again, checking in with your Friendsgiving WHY, here are some reasons to consider hosting a Friendsgiving Cocktail Party:
Friendsgiving Cocktail Parties promote a more relaxed vibe, making it easier for guests to engage in spontaneous conversations.
Friendsgiving Cocktail Parties are typically more informal and flexible, allowing guests to arrive and leave at their leisure.
Small bites and drinks allow for easier, lighter eating without the heaviness of a full meal.
Signature cocktails with friendship or gratitude themes are a fun way to personalize the event.
Evening gatherings encourage a festive, rowdier mood.
Louder music and dancing always take fun up a notch.
Guests can share their favorite drink recipes and the stories that go with them.
Friendsgiving Cocktail Parties easily transition into game nights.
Including themes and costume elements adds a playful twist.
Fewer formalities mean less stress for the host, allowing more time to focus on enjoyment and creating connection.
Bringing an appetizer or dessert to share is less intimidating to guests who don't enjoy cooking.
Giving Back Friendsgiving
If your Friendsgiving WHY has anything to do with giving back or creating memories with friends, there are few things you can do that are more impactful than organizing a Friendsgiving fall gathering experience focused on helping others.
Here are some ideas, but the possibilities are endless. Think about your WHY and go from there:
Food Donation Drive. Ask guests to bring non-perishable food items for your local food bank or shelter to your Friendsgiving event.
Pet Supply Drive. Alternatively, ask friends to bring pet food, toys, towels and blankets for your local animal shelter.
Cooking for Others: After your meal, prepare additional meals or snacks to donate to a nearby shelter or community kitchen.
Volunteer Together. Before or after your Friendsgiving fall gathering, volunteer at a local animal shelter, senior home, soup kitchen or other community service project.
Sponsor a Family. Choose a family in need to support this season and collectively gather funds or items to fulfill their wish list.
Cards for Community Heroes. Organize a station for your guests to write heartfelt thank you cards and notes to local service members, healthcare professionals, first responders, teachers - or any other group for which you'd like to express gratitude.
Trash Walk. Take your after-meal walk up a meaningful notch by cleaning up a local park, beach, neighborhood, trail - or even just a ditch along the side of the road.
Charity Walk/Run. Register as a team for a local charity walk or run to promote connection while supporting a great cause.
Final Thoughts
I hope that this article has inspired you to create a truly meaningful Friendsgiving fall gathering for your chosen family that goes beyond the typical. I have no doubt that if you clearly establish your Friendsgiving WHY and keep that in mind as you design your event, you'll create an experience that your friends are honored to have been a part of and will remember and refer back to (at future Friendsgiving events!) for years to come.
About the Author
Angela Caveney, Ph.D. is a Clinical Psychologist, Neuropsychologist and Founder of The Trybe Women's Social Club. Her absolute favorite things to do are to help women find their people, rediscover themselves by stepping out of their comfort zones and thrive throughout midlife. She can be reached directly at angela@the-trybe.com.
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